Can We Be Real Right Now?
Meet the Blogger: My name is Lauren. I grew up right outside of Chicago, IL in a small suburb, South Holland. I grew up in a home where I was loved tremendously and was taught to love others just that much. I experienced what I believe to be almost every young girl’s life phases. I’ve been the “picked on” girl and the bully. I’ve had my heart broken at 15 by guys I thought I would marry. Lol. I’ve been tested in my faith, my values, and my worth, but I am so glad that God has seen me through to where I am. I graduated high school from Kenwood Academy in Hyde Park, Chicago and went on to earn my bachelor’s in manufacturing engineering from Central State University. While in college, I believed I tapped into areas of myself I never knew existed. I remained active, engaged, and I studied hard (most of the time. Lol). Upon completion of my program, I began work at John Deere Commercial Products and have held roles in Quality Engineering, Supplier Quality, and Warranty Reliability. I am currently in the middle of a Reskilling Software Engineering course where I plan to earn a certification in Software and Programming. I have been challenged tremendously throughout the start of my career, not just technically, but mostly personally. I have been removed from my element and have been placed in positions with many people from various backgrounds and levels of education. I humble myself, ask for wisdom, and consistently remind myself that “I belong here and I deserve this.” I’ve worked hard to get to where I am. I’m far from perfect. I’m extremely self-cautious, terrible at budgeting, and have no taste when it comes to fashion, but I am learning to love myself with the love that Jesus has for me. I’ll get there.
Now, let’s be real. Who truly can say that it’s an easy task to wake up every day feeling on top of the world? Feeling like no task is too difficult? Feeling confident in your self, your body, your hair, your career choices, the clothes you have on?
More often than not, I’ve found myself consistently second-guessing myself and my ability to be loved and appreciated for everything I am, in spite of. But why? I’ve probably asked myself a hundred times, and still can’t put my finger on why. I have a good job, I have a support system, I am beyond blessed. Yet and still I struggle with being happy. Want to know how I make it through those feelings?
I’m glad you asked! I do just what I’m doing right now! I talk about it! I reach out to those I trust, in my case either my best friend or my sands, and I’m honest with them. It’s definitely easier said than done. Those first few times are the hardest, even with someone you’ve known forever, and it may feel the most awkward, but you learn over time that these feelings are just that, FEELINGS, not truth. I’ve learned and am still learning in some aspects how to work through them. I’ve found small things to do that make me feel good about myself. Basic things, but worth trying; exercising, reading, wine (in moderation).
Even in doing these things, don’t ever expect life to be a perfectly painted picture. It is hard. Sometimes, the simplest tasks can seem hard. Expect the unexpected, and embrace every situation, problem, and accomplishment to the fullest. This is so cliche, but there is either a blessing or lesson in absolutely every roadblock you encounter.
In 2018, I relocated to Augusta, GA. 800 miles away from majority of my family and friends without knowing anyone or anything in the area. I relocated solely for my job, and as a result was forced to spend time by myself. After thinking about it, I’ve realized it’s the first time in 25 years where I’ve had no choice but to be alone MOST of the time outside of work hours. This had been one of the most trying, yet the most fulfilling times of my life. I learned a lot about myself and had to acknowledge those flaws that I refused to acknowledge. I was angry at a lot of people over situations that happened years ago. I never learned to let go and it was reflected heavily in how I carried myself. Social media was how I stayed connected to my classmates in the Midwest, but it also contributed to me questioning my decisions to move, questioning my accomplishments. I BEGAN TO COMPARE MYSELF, Y’ALL! Through SOCIAL MEDIA!!! It happens all too often, but it pushed me to learn balance. I learned to take complete control over what I let into mind. I began to meditate. I had to do something. I had to try, or there was a chance I would have lost myself completely before ever finding myself.
Through it all, I am grateful. Although I may not exemplify it every single day, and although I still experience days where I just want to roll over in bed, I don’t. I can’t. There’s so much more I need to do. Not only for me, but for my family as well as everyone who believes in me. I try to be as transparent as possible about my struggles, mistakes, and missteps, because I never know who it can inspire to push through. If you’re reading this, you’re not alone. You’re not “crazy” for feeling multiple emotions in a day. You’re not weak. You’re human. And if you ever get to any point to where you feel confused, angry, broken, then seek help! It’s your right. We all need it. You’re not alone.
